I am sorry for not writing for so long. I got to a place that wasn't good to be in. I was depressed, overwhelmed, sad, afraid...and putting that down in print would have made it even more real, so I let my emotions take over. I should have known that putting in down in words probably would have been therapeutic, like it always has been, but I couldn't see that far.
Let's see, what did you miss? Well, I had another round of chemo which, as always, wreaked havoc on my blood counts, but I survived. I am due on Thursday for my next round of chemo, so I'll have to go pick up the Emend pills, which help me keep from being nauseous.
As for my emotional health, well, it has been less than desireable. I have found myself crying a lot more. I think the bulk of my problem is that I feel like everything is falling apart. I haven't worked for over a month because of the side effects of chemo, so my financial health has also suffered greatly. When you don't know where you will hang your hat two months from now, it makes even the healthiest of people stress.
I had to have another scan. Everytime I get a scan I freak out. I never know what they will tell me, and even though I try not to worry, I can't help it.
I have had another tumor on my left side, the site of the original tumor. This tumor has remained stable, along with the other tumors on the right side, which means it hasn't grown...well it hadn't grown. It did this time. At the request of my chemo doctor, I made an appointment with Dr. Brien, my orthopedic onocologist. He said he wanted to do a CT guided biopsy, as soon as possible.
I know it's crazy, but I am frightened. The scan also showed a very small growth on or in one of my kidneys. The chemo has kept all stable, except for the two I mentioned. The CT guided biopsy will take care of the new problem, or prove that it is nothing...which is what I am hoping to hear.
Well, I am whipped. I will write tomorrow and promise to keep my blog updated from now on.
