Friday, May 28, 2010
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Cycle Two of Yondelis
I woke up yesterday and found my son asleep in the living room, he showed up to accompany me to chemo so I wouldn't have to fight traffic and could get in the carpool lane to shorten the trip. I was so thankful to have him along to keep me company.
Upon my arrival the doctor was a little angry that I didn't show up Monday as scheduled. I explained I would lose my job if I missed anymore time and that I had called on Monday morning to explain my need to change my schedule to today, and they acquiesced.
I barely passed the finger stick test so I had to do a blood draw and that test took two hours to get results. It showed my liver function as being off the charts but my white cells and platelets were still low so they elected to reduce the amount of Yondelis I am getting, and proceeded with my infusion.
I had to get an infusion of nausea medication first, and then take my Emend pill to keep the nausea away. I found out that the three pills DO NOT last 21 days, they only last the days I take them, so I am going to try to get approval for the patch that lasts the remainder of the days between cycles.
I went home with the Yondelis infusion and went straight to the couch to rest and fell asleep. I woke up and went to pick up my soup order from Mother's Kitchen, (my absolute favorite vegetarian place to eat) and they told me my soup order of Vegetable Soup with soy meat...with the wheat bread (about 2 inches thick and also a vegetarian/vegan recipe) with Earth Balance spread and jelly was ON THE HOUSE! Granted this is fairly inexpensive anyway at 3 or 4 dollars, I was still thrilled at getting a deal...only because they noticed that I was getting infused and asked about it.
I woke up at 1, a little sick but not nearly as sick as I was the last time. Today, I am feeling amazingly normal. I have not thrown up, which is a welcome change from the last time. I will be receiving my shot of Neulasta again, and next week I will again have to take home my Neupogen to give myself, which stresses me a bit, but I'll get over it.
I also got word that I have to have another scan next week...to see if the Yondelis is working. If the tumors have grown, they will have to change my chemo to the Ifosfamide protocol, which will mean that my job will go away, I will lose my apartment and will have to find a place to live within five days of being let go, which sucks. I put a message into the cancer hotline to see what, if any help I can get from them.
I am patiently waiting to get out of here. I only have a little more time to go and then my shot and I get to go see my wonderful daughter and her gorgeous four children.
I'm going to get a copy of my blood work so that I can start educating myself on levels and how my blood plummets and how it recovers after medicines. I asked about a sample of a naturally derived vitamin that helps white blood cell recovery from Mothers. It's called Wellmune WGP, or gluco polysaccharide, derived from Saccharomyces cerevisiae.
Here comes my nurse! Yeah! Almost done!
Upon my arrival the doctor was a little angry that I didn't show up Monday as scheduled. I explained I would lose my job if I missed anymore time and that I had called on Monday morning to explain my need to change my schedule to today, and they acquiesced.
I barely passed the finger stick test so I had to do a blood draw and that test took two hours to get results. It showed my liver function as being off the charts but my white cells and platelets were still low so they elected to reduce the amount of Yondelis I am getting, and proceeded with my infusion.
I had to get an infusion of nausea medication first, and then take my Emend pill to keep the nausea away. I found out that the three pills DO NOT last 21 days, they only last the days I take them, so I am going to try to get approval for the patch that lasts the remainder of the days between cycles.
I went home with the Yondelis infusion and went straight to the couch to rest and fell asleep. I woke up and went to pick up my soup order from Mother's Kitchen, (my absolute favorite vegetarian place to eat) and they told me my soup order of Vegetable Soup with soy meat...with the wheat bread (about 2 inches thick and also a vegetarian/vegan recipe) with Earth Balance spread and jelly was ON THE HOUSE! Granted this is fairly inexpensive anyway at 3 or 4 dollars, I was still thrilled at getting a deal...only because they noticed that I was getting infused and asked about it.
I woke up at 1, a little sick but not nearly as sick as I was the last time. Today, I am feeling amazingly normal. I have not thrown up, which is a welcome change from the last time. I will be receiving my shot of Neulasta again, and next week I will again have to take home my Neupogen to give myself, which stresses me a bit, but I'll get over it.
I also got word that I have to have another scan next week...to see if the Yondelis is working. If the tumors have grown, they will have to change my chemo to the Ifosfamide protocol, which will mean that my job will go away, I will lose my apartment and will have to find a place to live within five days of being let go, which sucks. I put a message into the cancer hotline to see what, if any help I can get from them.
I am patiently waiting to get out of here. I only have a little more time to go and then my shot and I get to go see my wonderful daughter and her gorgeous four children.
I'm going to get a copy of my blood work so that I can start educating myself on levels and how my blood plummets and how it recovers after medicines. I asked about a sample of a naturally derived vitamin that helps white blood cell recovery from Mothers. It's called Wellmune WGP, or gluco polysaccharide, derived from Saccharomyces cerevisiae.
Here comes my nurse! Yeah! Almost done!
Monday, May 17, 2010
Tumor Troubles
Lately, as I lay down at night, I have been imagining that I could feel the tumor on the right side. I decided I was imagining things. Then, I started believing I could feel that tumor during the day, and found myself leaning to the left to take pressure off. For the last two and a half years, I have over-reacted at every visit. I kept being paranoid that it was back, but time and time again, I was proven wrong. So, when the doctor asked me today why I didn't tell him sooner that I felt a tumor growing, I told him...I figured I was just paranoid.
I was taken to an examination room where the doctor felt my right buttock and confirmed that the tumor was palatable, and about the size of a golf ball. On the scan, it was minuscule. Not even a month later, it has grown rapidly. I'm afraid that the other tumors are growing too, now.
The doctor said that the Yondelis hasn't had enough time to work and it was too soon to give up on it, so I will go back Thursday and hopefully my blood will be acceptable enough for me to go forward with the second cycle.
I want to go in Thursday and ask the doctor to just take them out, whatever size they are, just cut them out of my body.
So if I go forward with chemo on Thursday, I know that I will be sicker than sick for the next week, especially the first few days. They will do another scan about 10 days into the second cycle. If it does prove to be not working, I will be switched to MAID protocol, most likely, says Dr. Chawla. The other doctor told me that my hair will fall out after the first cycle of that chemo. It is similar to my old cocktail, so if I go back to that, I will go back to Dr. Fink and let her administer the chemo from the comfort of a hospital room and my local hospital.
I'm scared...
I was taken to an examination room where the doctor felt my right buttock and confirmed that the tumor was palatable, and about the size of a golf ball. On the scan, it was minuscule. Not even a month later, it has grown rapidly. I'm afraid that the other tumors are growing too, now.
The doctor said that the Yondelis hasn't had enough time to work and it was too soon to give up on it, so I will go back Thursday and hopefully my blood will be acceptable enough for me to go forward with the second cycle.
I want to go in Thursday and ask the doctor to just take them out, whatever size they are, just cut them out of my body.
So if I go forward with chemo on Thursday, I know that I will be sicker than sick for the next week, especially the first few days. They will do another scan about 10 days into the second cycle. If it does prove to be not working, I will be switched to MAID protocol, most likely, says Dr. Chawla. The other doctor told me that my hair will fall out after the first cycle of that chemo. It is similar to my old cocktail, so if I go back to that, I will go back to Dr. Fink and let her administer the chemo from the comfort of a hospital room and my local hospital.
I'm scared...
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Injections
I have done three injections of Neupogen. Tomorrow the doctor will check to see if they did what they are supposed to do. I keep my fingers crossed.
Today I am going to church. I haven't been to church on Sunday since January. I am looking forward to getting a dash of hope. That's what church does for me. It fills me with hope. Hope that I'll beat this, hope that I'll beat this, hope that I will beat this...
I cry all the time now. Tears stream down my face because I don't like thinking about surviving. I already survived? It isn't supposed to happened again, I am in major denial. I can't imagine having something worse that cancer, yet one of my brother in law (my favorite) is battling or trying to survive ALS, I have no room to cry.
I hear the honk of a horn....Terry is here to get me for church....more later.
Today I am going to church. I haven't been to church on Sunday since January. I am looking forward to getting a dash of hope. That's what church does for me. It fills me with hope. Hope that I'll beat this, hope that I'll beat this, hope that I will beat this...
I cry all the time now. Tears stream down my face because I don't like thinking about surviving. I already survived? It isn't supposed to happened again, I am in major denial. I can't imagine having something worse that cancer, yet one of my brother in law (my favorite) is battling or trying to survive ALS, I have no room to cry.
I hear the honk of a horn....Terry is here to get me for church....more later.
Friday, May 14, 2010
Injection Frustration
As I sit on my couch and peer at the contents of the bag given to me by my doctor, I heave a sigh. I'm scared. I know I have to do this, and many of you may think it silly of me to be scared of something I have done countless times before. But yet, I am frightened.
I take out the cold little glass vial containing the Neupogen out of the refrigerator and roll it between my palms to warm it before I inject it into my skin. It takes several minutes for the vial to warm. I assemble the necessary parts on the coffee table and examine each one. Two alcohol wipes, check. One 25mm needle, check. One 20mm needle, check. One sterile syringe, check. One warmed vial of Neupogen, check. Bandaid, check.
Another heavy sigh leaves my mouth making an audible sound. How can this be again? How can I do this all over again? Tears stream down my face. Fuck Cancer. I hate you. I hate what you do, I hate that you invaded my body. I think I can feel tumors growing, which you caused. I looked up the word cancer. This is the description:
I direct my attention back to the table. Neupogen is good for me, it builds white and red blood cells, or helps them build. I wash my hands until they are a little red from the heat of the water, because I don't want to chance infection. I pick up the 20mm needle and peel back the wrapping just enough to expose the end of the connection to the syringe. I pick up the syringe and take it out of its plastic case and attach the end to the exposed end of the needle and pull off the cap. I pull back on the plunger to about half way so I can inject some air into the vial...I pause and stop to think where I might pick up some clean air, and I chuckle...who thinks of that?
I pace a bit staring at the table and the debris from the items I am using. I have to give myself a shot. Deep breath and sit. I grab the first alcohol swab and with one thumb I confidently pop the metal cap off the neupogen...ha! I feel like I'm a professional doing that! I wipe the sterile rubber thing in the center...just in case.
I stick the needle into the vial and push in the dirty air from my apartment and draw out the liquid, slowly pulling the needle out to draw out all that I can. I replace the cover to the huge needle and twist it to remove it from the syringe and pull back the plastic sheath from the other needle, the smaller, shorter, thinner needle that will next go into my body. I twist it on and pull it out of its protective sheath and put it down.
The next alcohol swab is for me, for my skin, and I wipe it well. I have selected a chubby part of my tummy and pop off the plastic covering the needle. I slowly push up on the plunger until a little fluid escapes the tip of the needle and without hesitation I grab my skin with one hand and inject the needle in quickly with the other. The fluid sits in the syringe. I pull back slightly, no blood, good deal, in with the neupogen. It burns and is still cold! I leave the needle in for a second because I want it to disperse before I pull out the needle. I pull it out and the tiniest dot of blood and clear liquid escape. I press down with my alcohol swab and put on the bandaid.
I gather all the trash and items used and look in my closet, there is my "sharps" container. I deposit both needles into the container and remember when I put that container in my closet years ago. I wanted to throw it away, but you just never know, you know? I didn't know. I didn't think it would come back. No one thinks its going to be them. It's going to happen to someone else...not me, not me.
I was going on a hike. I was going to raise money for cancer. My cancer. I was going to walk the PCT. It was a big dream, but it was mine. I was walking everyday.
It's all so distant now. My dream. It's not going to happen for me. I won't walk down an aisle with the man of my dreams with my dad standing there. I won't be in a wedding...anyone's. Crazy, huh? Never been in anyone's wedding. No one ever....
Oh well, oh well, oh fucking well. No sense crying over spilled milk.
I take out the cold little glass vial containing the Neupogen out of the refrigerator and roll it between my palms to warm it before I inject it into my skin. It takes several minutes for the vial to warm. I assemble the necessary parts on the coffee table and examine each one. Two alcohol wipes, check. One 25mm needle, check. One 20mm needle, check. One sterile syringe, check. One warmed vial of Neupogen, check. Bandaid, check.
Another heavy sigh leaves my mouth making an audible sound. How can this be again? How can I do this all over again? Tears stream down my face. Fuck Cancer. I hate you. I hate what you do, I hate that you invaded my body. I think I can feel tumors growing, which you caused. I looked up the word cancer. This is the description:
Cancer /ˈkænsər/ (
listen) (medical term: malignant neoplasm) is a class of diseases in which a group of cells display uncontrolled growth (division beyond the normal limits), invasion (intrusion on and destruction of adjacent tissues), and sometimes metastasis (spread to other locations in the body via lymph or blood). These three malignant properties of cancers differentiate them from benign tumors, which are self-limited, and do not invade or metastasize. Most cancers form a tumor but some, like leukemia, do not. The branch of medicine concerned with the study, diagnosis, treatment, and prevention of cancer is oncology.
Cancer affects people at all ages with the risk for most types increasing with age.[1] Cancer caused about 13% of all human deaths in 2007[2] (7.6 million).[3]
Invasion. That's whats happened to me. I have been invaded by a malignant tumor. One day I will be one of those statistics. This I have accepted. I won't get to die an old woman of "natural causes". I am mad at cancer for what it has done to my body.I direct my attention back to the table. Neupogen is good for me, it builds white and red blood cells, or helps them build. I wash my hands until they are a little red from the heat of the water, because I don't want to chance infection. I pick up the 20mm needle and peel back the wrapping just enough to expose the end of the connection to the syringe. I pick up the syringe and take it out of its plastic case and attach the end to the exposed end of the needle and pull off the cap. I pull back on the plunger to about half way so I can inject some air into the vial...I pause and stop to think where I might pick up some clean air, and I chuckle...who thinks of that?
I pace a bit staring at the table and the debris from the items I am using. I have to give myself a shot. Deep breath and sit. I grab the first alcohol swab and with one thumb I confidently pop the metal cap off the neupogen...ha! I feel like I'm a professional doing that! I wipe the sterile rubber thing in the center...just in case.
I stick the needle into the vial and push in the dirty air from my apartment and draw out the liquid, slowly pulling the needle out to draw out all that I can. I replace the cover to the huge needle and twist it to remove it from the syringe and pull back the plastic sheath from the other needle, the smaller, shorter, thinner needle that will next go into my body. I twist it on and pull it out of its protective sheath and put it down.
The next alcohol swab is for me, for my skin, and I wipe it well. I have selected a chubby part of my tummy and pop off the plastic covering the needle. I slowly push up on the plunger until a little fluid escapes the tip of the needle and without hesitation I grab my skin with one hand and inject the needle in quickly with the other. The fluid sits in the syringe. I pull back slightly, no blood, good deal, in with the neupogen. It burns and is still cold! I leave the needle in for a second because I want it to disperse before I pull out the needle. I pull it out and the tiniest dot of blood and clear liquid escape. I press down with my alcohol swab and put on the bandaid.
I gather all the trash and items used and look in my closet, there is my "sharps" container. I deposit both needles into the container and remember when I put that container in my closet years ago. I wanted to throw it away, but you just never know, you know? I didn't know. I didn't think it would come back. No one thinks its going to be them. It's going to happen to someone else...not me, not me.
I was going on a hike. I was going to raise money for cancer. My cancer. I was going to walk the PCT. It was a big dream, but it was mine. I was walking everyday.
It's all so distant now. My dream. It's not going to happen for me. I won't walk down an aisle with the man of my dreams with my dad standing there. I won't be in a wedding...anyone's. Crazy, huh? Never been in anyone's wedding. No one ever....
Oh well, oh well, oh fucking well. No sense crying over spilled milk.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Blood Levels
Went to see Dr. Chawla this morning with the help of my almost daughter. The doctors gave me a finger stick, which hurt more than anything else they have done. Bad news. Platelet count is 36 and white blood cell is .9. Bad enough to cause me to get the choice that I was expecting. Hospital or stay home, stay away from people and no shaving, no falling, no driving, no interaction with pets. It's hard to stay away from pets, especially my Molly.
So I have neupogen for the next three days. Injections to the tummy, by me....owwwweeeee!
Back to the clinic on Monday to re-check. If my levels are still bad, I am going to have to be hospitalized....I won't get a choice.
Luckily, I am supposed to have an answer on my anti nausea drug tomorrow morning.
Tired....one thing that this chemo does do is make me feel as though I have worked out hard and am suffering the following day. My leg muscles hurt the most, I have bruising everywhere, big ugly bruises from the blood problems.
Going to bed....going to nap.
So I have neupogen for the next three days. Injections to the tummy, by me....owwwweeeee!
Back to the clinic on Monday to re-check. If my levels are still bad, I am going to have to be hospitalized....I won't get a choice.
Luckily, I am supposed to have an answer on my anti nausea drug tomorrow morning.
Tired....one thing that this chemo does do is make me feel as though I have worked out hard and am suffering the following day. My leg muscles hurt the most, I have bruising everywhere, big ugly bruises from the blood problems.
Going to bed....going to nap.
Surviving Nausea
It is 3:54 am in the morning, but I am up and sick. This is every night now. I have an appointment to check my blood in a couple hours, I'm going to ask them once again about Sunduco, a patch or Emend, a 3 pill system.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Blood Work and Bleeding
Apparently, the Yondelis has caused my blood levels to tank. I was at work on Mother's Day and got the smallest littlest tiniest papercut on my arm. I am talking a quarter of an inch cut. I bled, and then I bled some more. Then I got a paper towel and soaked it (talking a quarter inch long cut...tiny). Bled through several band aids. I called the doctor and he said to to come in, and if it didn't stop bleeding in the next half hour to go to the hospital.
Well, my blood level was 24, or was it 34. It's supposed to be in the 100 or 200 range, so I got three injections to give myself over the next couple days of Neupogen. I haven't had to give myself a shot in my tummy for over 3 years so I am a little nervous.
Other than the continuing nausea and vomiting, I actually feel just tired...like I ran a couple miles when I woke up and then did some jumping jacks and then stretched. My muscles hurt, like I have worked out. Also a side effect of Yondelis. I am day 12 or 13 now, so another IV infusion in 9 days. I have to go back to get another blood test on Thursday.
I called my old oncologist that is local. Dr. Marsha Fink. I was going to change doctors, but after my run in with an oncologist that said wait six to eight weeks and check back to see if the tumors had grown and dismissed me as inconsequential, I decided to go back to Dr. Chawla, who directed my care last time through Dr. Fink. I am growing tired of using a half tank of gas plus parking charges of 26 dollars every time I have to go to the docs office...so I called and talked to Dr. Fink. She has agreed to "talk" to me on May 20th at 2:30, so I will go see if she can help out locally with tests, visits, hospitalizations, so I do not have to travel quite so far to have something checked out.
I am officially "neutropenic" again! The doctor said..."no raw food, no salad, no fruit, no raw veggies, just no". I was aghast! How am I supposed to survive? No good food? Everything has to be cooked to kill bacteria. I can't see a dentist until my chemo is done.
Merck, who dispenses Emend, the anti-nausea drug says in an ad to call them if I need help paying for the prescription. Guess who I am calling tomorrow?
I am heading out to walk around the main street beach street faire. Need exercise!
More later!
Well, my blood level was 24, or was it 34. It's supposed to be in the 100 or 200 range, so I got three injections to give myself over the next couple days of Neupogen. I haven't had to give myself a shot in my tummy for over 3 years so I am a little nervous.
Other than the continuing nausea and vomiting, I actually feel just tired...like I ran a couple miles when I woke up and then did some jumping jacks and then stretched. My muscles hurt, like I have worked out. Also a side effect of Yondelis. I am day 12 or 13 now, so another IV infusion in 9 days. I have to go back to get another blood test on Thursday.
I called my old oncologist that is local. Dr. Marsha Fink. I was going to change doctors, but after my run in with an oncologist that said wait six to eight weeks and check back to see if the tumors had grown and dismissed me as inconsequential, I decided to go back to Dr. Chawla, who directed my care last time through Dr. Fink. I am growing tired of using a half tank of gas plus parking charges of 26 dollars every time I have to go to the docs office...so I called and talked to Dr. Fink. She has agreed to "talk" to me on May 20th at 2:30, so I will go see if she can help out locally with tests, visits, hospitalizations, so I do not have to travel quite so far to have something checked out.
I am officially "neutropenic" again! The doctor said..."no raw food, no salad, no fruit, no raw veggies, just no". I was aghast! How am I supposed to survive? No good food? Everything has to be cooked to kill bacteria. I can't see a dentist until my chemo is done.
Merck, who dispenses Emend, the anti-nausea drug says in an ad to call them if I need help paying for the prescription. Guess who I am calling tomorrow?
I am heading out to walk around the main street beach street faire. Need exercise!
More later!
Sunday, May 2, 2010
After awhile, you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul.
And you learn that love
doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't always mean
security, and you begin to learn
that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises.
And you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead,
with the grace of a woman,
not the grief of a child
And you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrows ground
is too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of
falling down mid-flight.
After a while, you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much.
So, you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul,
instead of waiting on someone
to bring you flowers.
You learn that you really can endure
You really are strong
Your really do have worth
You learn and learn and learn
with every goodbye, you learn.
I got this from my daughter...although I have read it a hundred times before, today....just now, it touched a part of me that it hadn't before. It had meaning that was always there, but I just didn't need it then, or wasn't ready for it then. These words give me strength, hope and courage. I shall print them large on put them at work, in the chemo center, on my morning mirror where I get ready, so I can read these words each day and grow from them.
I love you my child of total wisdom...you bring me such great joy with your selections and choices of words....and that I had even the smallest part to do with making you you, makes me incredibly proud as a mother. You are wise beyond your years!
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul.
And you learn that love
doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't always mean
security, and you begin to learn
that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises.
And you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead,
with the grace of a woman,
not the grief of a child
And you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrows ground
is too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of
falling down mid-flight.
After a while, you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much.
So, you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul,
instead of waiting on someone
to bring you flowers.
You learn that you really can endure
You really are strong
Your really do have worth
You learn and learn and learn
with every goodbye, you learn.
I got this from my daughter...although I have read it a hundred times before, today....just now, it touched a part of me that it hadn't before. It had meaning that was always there, but I just didn't need it then, or wasn't ready for it then. These words give me strength, hope and courage. I shall print them large on put them at work, in the chemo center, on my morning mirror where I get ready, so I can read these words each day and grow from them.
I love you my child of total wisdom...you bring me such great joy with your selections and choices of words....and that I had even the smallest part to do with making you you, makes me incredibly proud as a mother. You are wise beyond your years!
Yondelis
Here is the link that says what I am getting:
http://www.ema.europa.eu/humandocs/PDFs/EPAR/yondelis/H-773-en1.pdf
Interesting reading!
Me
http://www.ema.europa.eu/humandocs/PDFs/EPAR/yondelis/H-773-en1.pdf
Interesting reading!
Me
Thoughts
It's 12:03 am and I can't sleep. The neighbors had a party, the police were called, they thought it was me calling...now I am up, trying to figure out whether or not I should take the sleeping pill that the doctor ordered, or not take it. I am afraid since the last time I took a sleeping pill, I was driving the next day and hit another car. Thankfully, I had insurance and stayed to go through the transfer of information, but, I don't remember the incident at all. I only know what happened from someone else. Scary, right? So, I'll take an anti-anxiety pill and hope that knocks me out. I was sleeping so well...then the party and the police banging. Then the neighbors knocking to see if it was me that called....geeze....drama drama drama.
Night night bloggy woggy.
Night night bloggy woggy.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
First Day back to Work
I arrived at work tired. I guess the Neulasta wasn't enough to get my blood stream full of energy. I kept feeling nauseous. I went to relieve everyone for lunches and by then....I was toast. I felt like I was overwhelmed, and I had hardly helped at all, but tomorrow will be a better day!
It's my son's birthday tonight. I forgot...what kind of Mom forgets? I got him a card and gave him some money....I hope he forgives me.
Thats all for now.
Sandy
It's my son's birthday tonight. I forgot...what kind of Mom forgets? I got him a card and gave him some money....I hope he forgives me.
Thats all for now.
Sandy
First Night of Chemo
OMG. I wish I had been approved for the nausea drugs. I got so very sick. Note to self...make sure I have the "good" chemo nausea drugs...the 3 pills or the transdermal patch. I made it through the night though. I went back to get hydrated at the doctor's office and to have the chemo nausea drugs put into my IV.
I drove back to Shannon's, picked up my food and drove home....then left and went to meet up with my good friends again. This time dinner was slower going, and sickness not so bad.
In the morning I drove home, feeling fairly good but my boss said to stay home. Karen's in town so I get a chance to see the beautiful little Isiah. I missed seeing Barney...but I love Barney and wish I could have seen him.
I went to breakfast with Debbie and Karen, I enjoyed our visit so much.
Work tomorrow, so I am going home to rest before we meet back up.
I drove back to Shannon's, picked up my food and drove home....then left and went to meet up with my good friends again. This time dinner was slower going, and sickness not so bad.
In the morning I drove home, feeling fairly good but my boss said to stay home. Karen's in town so I get a chance to see the beautiful little Isiah. I missed seeing Barney...but I love Barney and wish I could have seen him.
I went to breakfast with Debbie and Karen, I enjoyed our visit so much.
Work tomorrow, so I am going home to rest before we meet back up.
Chemo Started
Okay, so I started actual chemo Wednesday. It wasn't so bad, I sat there, they plugged me in, and I watched as the drip started and I thought...here I go again. I was sitting there alone, thinking I could wear my big girl panties and do this myself, but in truth, I wish I had someone to hold my hand, chat with me. Sure there are others here, all with their stories.
I wonder if they have thought what I think...."what if this is a mistake?" What if this isn't my diagnosis, but then a brief chat with the young female doctor here says that its called acceptance, and everyone has trouble accepting their diagnosis....especially metastatic cancer.
I have a friend, Suzi, she is going through Leiomyosarcoma, similar to mine, but hers is new, mine has returned. Both are sarcoma's. If anything by this blog, I will bring more awareness to the cancer called sarcoma. Soft Tissue Sarcoma, is what I have, but there is Clear Cell, Karposi's, Giant Cell, Osteosarcoma, Fibrosarcoma (they thought or think I have that too), Ewing's sarcoma, Rhabdomyosarcoma, GIST, omg, the list just goes on and on. Robert Ulrich is the only actor who died of our cancer. It's a rare cancer, like 8% of all cancers diagnosed are sarcoma's so there aren't a lot of specialists in all areas and we are left with whoever is local, lucky for me, I have Sant Chawla, the premier sarcoma specialist in the western United States.
So, I am going to meet my friends, Laura and Paul. I get to go leave with my IV in place. Here goes nothing!
I wonder if they have thought what I think...."what if this is a mistake?" What if this isn't my diagnosis, but then a brief chat with the young female doctor here says that its called acceptance, and everyone has trouble accepting their diagnosis....especially metastatic cancer.
I have a friend, Suzi, she is going through Leiomyosarcoma, similar to mine, but hers is new, mine has returned. Both are sarcoma's. If anything by this blog, I will bring more awareness to the cancer called sarcoma. Soft Tissue Sarcoma, is what I have, but there is Clear Cell, Karposi's, Giant Cell, Osteosarcoma, Fibrosarcoma (they thought or think I have that too), Ewing's sarcoma, Rhabdomyosarcoma, GIST, omg, the list just goes on and on. Robert Ulrich is the only actor who died of our cancer. It's a rare cancer, like 8% of all cancers diagnosed are sarcoma's so there aren't a lot of specialists in all areas and we are left with whoever is local, lucky for me, I have Sant Chawla, the premier sarcoma specialist in the western United States.
So, I am going to meet my friends, Laura and Paul. I get to go leave with my IV in place. Here goes nothing!
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