I cannot believe I am up at this unreasonable hour. It starts promptly at about this time every morning. I am sleeping soundly, enjoying the last of my warm bed, the sun is just breaking through the clouds and and daylight just appearing. It's the part of living in this far away place that I like...until, of course CRIKIT wakes me up with her incessant kitty at sounding tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap....Mommy mommy mommy it looks like outside,please come open the door so we can see you, get in your warm bed and say good morning and then meow until I am forced from bed to go get them breakfast.
Why can't I teach my animals to open doors, feed themselves. empty their own litter box and water themselves? How hard can it be? Molly gets excited when they wake up and scratch at the door....and god forbid I decide to move my shoes or grab my pants because I am COLD because THAT leads these frolicking furry pets to think that it the best of part of the day...time for Mom to get dressed in like 4 layers of clothes and take Molly out to the mountain to fun and play
My favorite part of Saturday is one thing....NO RADIATION toaday! My back still aches from yanking the side handle from my van off and landing about 3 feet from the van last week. Anyone want to volunteer a massage for my hurting back?
Still.....It's Saturday!
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
After first day of radiation...
I am home, but got sick on my way back home. At first, I felt good, well not great, but I felt hungry, so I ate, and then my ride wanted to stop at the grocery store so I went to get a roll of quarters for laundry and practically knocked over a guy getting to the bathroom quick enough to avoid a "clean-up on aisle 2"...lol.
I tried eating a few small bites of food at home but once again did not feel well and laid down in a warm bath for about 1/2 hour. That felt good. Then I tried some butternut squash soup from Laura and Paul....just a few bites, then I waited. About 30 minutes later I tried another couple bites with a half a slice of bread. That was it for me...not a lot for a whole day for eating, but I will do better tomorrow.
What I am most worried about is the energy and life sucking effect that radiation has on me. It also screws with my organs near the area of the tumor.
It's times like this that I wish I had someone to put their arms around me through the night. Someone to put comforting arms around me at night to let me know I am safe, for the next few hours. Molly frequently jumps up and gets in front of me and I am quite surprised to find a big warm hairy dog in bed with me, however, it's not exactly what I am looking for....but my best friend does try, but she's still a dog.
Thanks for reading. I'll keep up with the posting with the rest of my battle with sarcoma.
One thing is certain....SARCOMA DOES NOT DEFINE ME!
I tried eating a few small bites of food at home but once again did not feel well and laid down in a warm bath for about 1/2 hour. That felt good. Then I tried some butternut squash soup from Laura and Paul....just a few bites, then I waited. About 30 minutes later I tried another couple bites with a half a slice of bread. That was it for me...not a lot for a whole day for eating, but I will do better tomorrow.
What I am most worried about is the energy and life sucking effect that radiation has on me. It also screws with my organs near the area of the tumor.
It's times like this that I wish I had someone to put their arms around me through the night. Someone to put comforting arms around me at night to let me know I am safe, for the next few hours. Molly frequently jumps up and gets in front of me and I am quite surprised to find a big warm hairy dog in bed with me, however, it's not exactly what I am looking for....but my best friend does try, but she's still a dog.
Thanks for reading. I'll keep up with the posting with the rest of my battle with sarcoma.
One thing is certain....SARCOMA DOES NOT DEFINE ME!
Radiation
Sorry for the long time without writing. I was so tired of complaining and sounding so pitiful. But I got a few notes from people saying they missed my blog, so I decided to start writing again.
So apparently the clinical trial I was on was not working because I have a significant new tumor in the site of the primary tumor. They decided to let me do the radiation here near my new apartment. For right now they are saying it will be 10 weeks of daily radiation...well, except when the office is closed, like Saturday and Sunday.
Radiation the last time was quite hard on me, it made me sicker than chemo. I had physical problems as well, so I am afraid of radiation. I know its stupid, but I keep hoping someone has made a mistake and I actually don't have cancer. You see, there are stages after getting the news you have cancer. I started writing the order of what I think the stages are when it dawned on me, I don't the order! I started with shock and emotional breakdown. Then I went to denial. Then I went to the part I thought I would be the one that would survive and never have any sign of cancer again. Then I went back to denial again, then emotional breakdown and now I seem to go day to day with one the above.
So, my next post will be in about 4 hours. After I have gone to radiation (9 different directions of radiation) and promise to write regularly again, if you will promise to read my blog. Also, comments on my blogs are always welcomed!
Love you all! Keep me in your thoughts at 2:30 today!
Sandy
So apparently the clinical trial I was on was not working because I have a significant new tumor in the site of the primary tumor. They decided to let me do the radiation here near my new apartment. For right now they are saying it will be 10 weeks of daily radiation...well, except when the office is closed, like Saturday and Sunday.
Radiation the last time was quite hard on me, it made me sicker than chemo. I had physical problems as well, so I am afraid of radiation. I know its stupid, but I keep hoping someone has made a mistake and I actually don't have cancer. You see, there are stages after getting the news you have cancer. I started writing the order of what I think the stages are when it dawned on me, I don't the order! I started with shock and emotional breakdown. Then I went to denial. Then I went to the part I thought I would be the one that would survive and never have any sign of cancer again. Then I went back to denial again, then emotional breakdown and now I seem to go day to day with one the above.
So, my next post will be in about 4 hours. After I have gone to radiation (9 different directions of radiation) and promise to write regularly again, if you will promise to read my blog. Also, comments on my blogs are always welcomed!
Love you all! Keep me in your thoughts at 2:30 today!
Sandy
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