Tumor Troubles

Lately, as I lay down at night, I have been imagining that I could feel the tumor on the right side. I decided I was imagining things. Then, I started believing I could feel that tumor during the day, and found myself leaning to the left to take pressure off. For the last two and a half years, I have over-reacted at every visit. I kept being paranoid that it was back, but time and time again, I was proven wrong. So, when the doctor asked me today why I didn't tell him sooner that I felt a tumor growing, I told him...I figured I was just paranoid.

I was taken to an examination room where the doctor felt my right buttock and confirmed that the tumor was palatable, and about the size of a golf ball. On the scan, it was minuscule. Not even a month later, it has grown rapidly. I'm afraid that the other tumors are growing too, now.

The doctor said that the Yondelis hasn't had enough time to work and it was too soon to give up on it, so I will go back Thursday and hopefully my blood will be acceptable enough for me to go forward with the second cycle.

I want to go in Thursday and ask the doctor to just take them out, whatever size they are, just cut them out of my body.

So if I go forward with chemo on Thursday, I know that I will be sicker than sick for the next week, especially the first few days. They will do another scan about 10 days into the second cycle. If it does prove to be not working, I will be switched to MAID protocol, most likely, says Dr. Chawla. The other doctor told me that my hair will fall out after the first cycle of that chemo. It is similar to my old cocktail, so if I go back to that, I will go back to Dr. Fink and let her administer the chemo from the comfort of a hospital room and my local hospital.

I'm scared...