Signing off on Clinical Trial

Okay, so yesterday was so busy! I started the morning with my good friend, Terry. He said come over before my visit to sign off on all paperwork to be included in a clinical trial popular in Italy and somewhere else. My brakes are still bad so I left my car with the mechanic and Terry drove me. Dr. Chawla's office had me do an EKG, and seven vials of blood from my brand new port. This is why I love ports....I don't even feel the stick of the needle.

I signed away and this morning find out if I was approved for Yondelis. Good thing, the best thing, is no hair loss, or its minimal, so keep your fingers crossed for Yondelis. The bad part...383 for the stuff that keeps you from vomiting your brains out, and Medicare doesn't approve it...sucks! Its called Enemis or something like that, it's three pills....THREE. Next is Sundulac patch, an transdermal patch...is over 200. Finally over the counter drugs, which don't work well, they told me already. The costco in FV has one pack of the most expensive, I'm thinking the GG has one too, but I am trying to get them approved by the doctor's office. Still takes 24 hours so no matter what, I am screwed today.

I didn't nightmare last night, thanks to two xanax I took. One at 10 when I went to bed and another at 3 when I woke up sweating. Too bad Medicare doesn't cover anti anxiety pills either...with or without the approval from the doctors.

I'm wearing my crazy sexy cancer goddess shirt today. Check out their website. www.crazysexycancer.com. I think that's it. I am bringing the Girl in the Flammable Skirt, thanks to Miranda. I am getting tons of support from Shannon and my family, but sadly and heartbreakingly missing from my life are the children of Dan'l. One is mad because my mood swings and fear of dying are too much and the other...well, I am just at a loss as to why I don't hear from them...I miss everyone horribly and wish they would just let it all go and call me because I wouldn't mention it at all....I would just be happy to hear their voices.

I came home last night and helped Bruce with my car until almost 9PM. He changed the brake cylinders, both, the brake shoes on the back and scuffed up the drums, then moved up front to the pads and replaced them and had my rotor's turned...OMG....I can stop! How many accidents could I have avoided if I had done those a long time ago. The back shoes....were original to the car, so they had crystalized and had ford written everywhere on them...so they looked like they had pad left, but it was not working at all.

The clinical trial signing off was scary. Many pages of signatures saying I understand its a clinical trial, but I am out of options. I can't do AIM anymore because my lifetime doseage of Adriamyacin is past. So its Ifosfamide and Yondelis or surgery....not even radiation anymore, at least not to my bum. How do I say that without being embarrassed? I call it my hip, my muscle, a place where I have muscle and fat....but to say, oh I have butt cheek cancer....haven't you heard of it? It's funny.

I will call the only other person that has my cancer, exactly....Russ Lycan....he helps me deal with the reality of it all and tells me Chawla's miracles saved his life...he is past 5 years out.