In the End

In the end, my doctor told me that my blood counts sucked. They ended up dropping again, which made my RBC 8 and my platelets 30. I got a shot of Arenesp (I think that's what it is called), it is a shot to increase my ANC. They wanted to give me a shot of Neumega, a drug designed to increase my platelets, but they weren't sure my insurance would cover it, so I have to call back today to find out if I can get it...if I can, I will go back tomorrow.

I think Chawla is worried about my survival on this chemo. He seems concerned about the situation with my blood. He always talks to all of the other nurses and doctors about me when I am there...kind of secretively..just whispers you can kind of make out, but not really.

I know one thing. He won't let me go back to work until at least Wednesday. I asked and he was like....yeah...NO.

Sandy

Crap

The doctor just told me my blood has once again dipped below what it was 2 days ago...even after the transfusions....he is checking into giving me Neumega, an injection for boosting platelets...he is checking to see if it is covered by insurance. I'm freaking out right now.

What's next?

Today, my car broke down on the way to Doctor Chawla's office. It started overheating and when I stopped to put water in it, it poured out from underneath...I couldn't put water in fast enough to make a difference. I ended up contacting my good friend, Terry, who came to my rescue. Has taken me to Doctor Chawla's and will help me get my car to the mechanic when I get done here.

Sometimes it just overwhelms me and I end up crying like today, thinking...geeze, what else can go wrong? I am in danger of losing my job, am in and out of the hospital, my organs are crapping out on me, I may lose my apartment and have to move in a short period of time...AND to top it off, I am battling cancer, and now my car decides to break down...how can I not be overwhelmed by it

all?

So I am at Chawla's, my temp is 98.8, good, no low grade fever. My blood pressure..hey, I didn't get my blood pressure when they did it, I'll get it when they come back.

Terry will take me by the hospital to get everything I left there...its only a few blocks away, so no reason not to get it today.

Well, I'm going to rest a little now, and report back after this appointment with the good or bad news.

:) I'm thinking good thoughts!

Results

The doctor said that my gallbladder doesn't function and will have to be removed, but that can't happen until I am better. They may have to do it the old way, called open surgery. Open surgery means that they make the old incision, like a big straight line cut into my upper abdomen, so if something goes wrong they can get in there quick and stop bleeding, etc.

I go see Doctor Chawla tomorrow morning. I have several questions for him, one particularly about this surgery and about me possibly hitchhiking or piggy backing a clinical trial in Boston.

I didn't want to think about other clinical trials, but I guess I will have too. I want to be around to see all of my kids become successful in their lives...and that might take awhile, so I am going to have to figure out a way to stick around so that I can do just that.

More later.

Gastroenterology Doctor's Thoughts

This morning I had a visit from the doctor who will eventually end up doing whatever final surgery is done to the "stent" that is in my biliary duct now (from the last hospitalization in Fountain Valley). He told me that he was the one who had ordered the tests this morning and that they are designed specifically to figure out not only what the doctor in Fountain Valley used to unblock the duct, but also, and most importantly....what caused the duct to become blocked.

He discussed what he thought the reasons might be...and his discussion shocked me. He said it was either caused by a gallstone, which I already know not to be the case.... his other explanation for the blockage was that my cancer has metastasized to my liver. These words spilled so easily from his lips. He was matter of fact, to the point, stoic almost. I waited for him to exit my room before I allowed my emotions to escape, and as my tears flowed, I thought of that commercial where the girl says she was informed she had cancer...like it was a grocery list.

I know this doctor is a good doctor, and maybe I make it seem that I can take the information in stride, I know I try to seem knowledgeable and I want them to be honest with me.

I now await the next pain medication shot, to numb the emotions that are so raw at this moment. To go then to get the test so that I know the reason my organs shut down.

Of course, I will report the information back here...so until then!

Scans

They truly don't know what is wrong with me, so the testing will now commence. Tomorrow morning I will get an MRI, MRA and a HIDA scan. The first one, I have had many times. But I have never heard of an MRA or HIDA...so I looked them up.

I got two units of blood last night.

An MRI shows bone and soft tissue...and MRA shows deeper into the bone and blood vessels, and a HIDA scan is to see what is up with my gall bladder, or the entrance to it that the doctor did last week...the tube or stent he installed.

I also have a consult with a surgeon tomorrow also, to try to plan and schedule my surgery to either remove the gallbladder or to open it up.

I am very uncomfortable here in the hospital. I am sad, confused and worried about my future. I wasn't ready for this. I felt absolutely fine the other day when I arrived at the doctor's office. I expected to talk to my doctor and either go forward with chemo or not. I did not expect to have a host of nurses and doctor's hovering and scurrying about, getting blood and making calls, discussing me, just out of ear shot. It's scary.

Doctor Chawla came up and put his arm around me yesterday, swearing to take care of me. Once again, I am sicker than I thought. I immediately got a myriad of blood tests.

I begin and end each day the same way...laying in this hospital bed, staring at the television or posting on facebook. I worry about my apartment and Molly, at home wondering why I am not coming home.

Pain control is an issue. Laying on the tumors is painful, yet there is nothing they can do about it. I walk after meals and snacks, I try to walk to the outskirts of where they allow me to go. It's about time for pain meds now. I will call for it when I can't handle the pain anymore.

I'll try a nap now. Thanks for stopping by to read my blog!

Admission...again

I am being admitted, again. My blood counts plummeted again, maybe a reaction to the blood?
They are "critically" low. I also have a fever, suggesting perhaps infection. Anyway you look at it, I am screwed. I have to have several units of blood, they have to run a battery of tests....I'm in for at least a few days. I hate the beds there at St. Johns....not comfy at all.

Damn it.