So, here I am. Stuck for another night. I cried a few tears while I called my parents. I hate to admit it but now I feel lonely. The only visitor has been Cori, and that was for maybe 5 to 7 minutes, to move my car. My sister Karen is my advocate and she was a little angry that the people that are close enough to visit, haven't. She felt I should say something to them, and, as much as I hate making people feel beholden (it that the word, beholden?...you know what I mean) to me, or to feel guilty, I took a few minutes and wrote a message to Jackie, Charlie and Shannon and stated how I felt. The bottom line here is that I just feel sad and depressed and lonely.
The entertainment here is certainly lacking. I have some of the local stations, and about 5 other channels, including two "live" feeds from the chapel, with nothing happening and another "art" channel, which is just a powerpoint presentation of random works (in someone's mind) of art.
I did surf a few other blogs and came across one with some amazing recipes from some southern gal, recipes that are so good that you can taste them by just reading them. She has an uncanny ability to assemble her blog and her recipes so that they are as tasteful to the eye as well as to (I am assuming) to the palate. She also is a very talented photographer and as she details the instructions with charm and humor, she also includes pictures of the recipes as they should look while you are preparing them. She even includes a recipe on how "not" to make french toast, complete with pictures. I have bookmarked this blog and some of you reading this will, I am sure, be receiving a pleasure to your palettes, once I get out of here.
I look at the clock and it is almost midnight. I asked for my pain injection a little while ago and was kind of surprised when the nurse put it into my IV and I did not feel the tail tale "rush" of narcotic into my system. Every time I get this injection, I brace myself for the weird feeling it sends down my arms, but it didn't happen. Normally, I would just keep this to myself, but because it is so painful to sit in these beds for days on end, and sit on these tumors, I look forward to the brief respite from the pain. I wait for the lull that I typically feel about 10 minutes into the injection, but it didn't happen. I elected to call the charge nurse, Hannah (name changed to protect identity) to let her know...after all, I wouldn't want a nurse on my watch possibly taking the injections himself. She, of course, did what any manager would do and she assured me that this never happens and that maybe my body suddenly became accustomed to the injection. That the nurses want you to be pain free. Yada yada yada. Fred (again...name changed, because I don't want to implicate anyone without a blood test to say I did not get medication) seems like a sweet nurse, but without knowing him personally, I don't know what he is capable of. Here I am an hour into what should be a pain free existence, and I feel no relief from pain, so I know what I know. I even asked Hannah, the charge nurse if there was a test they could do real quick to see if indeed I got the injection or not, but she said no, there wasn't. I kind of doubt this. I would think there is a test, she just didn't want to get in the middle of something over 1 ml of delaudid. Unfortunately I am just going to have to be uncomfortable for the next two hours. I am really hopeful that he comes in the thirty minutes early.
Now that I finished my rant over the pain medication, I'll get back to the reason I have to stay. I researched a little on gallbladders and what they do and why we need them, What happens when they quit working and how they take them out and even read up on a few people that had theirs removed unnecessarily. There is something wrong with my gallbladder. I have noticed for several months now that when I take a deep breath, there is an unexplainable pain under my ribs on the right side. When I was first admitted, it was the first time I have been examined there, in that area, though I have often wondered what organ was under my ribs in the past. The gallbladder helps the body get rid of excess fat in the stool, from what I understand. It is the stuff I threw up in 2007 that caused me to think I was dying. The gallbladder has green slime in it, and people with high cholesterol have a tendency to have problems with their gallbladders...hello! I manufacture cholesterol, thanks to my genes. I'm guessing that one day, I will hear from a doctor that I should have it removed, mark my words.
So, its 12:30 and my bottom is hurting. I know there was nothing in that injection. I know it. I am kind of angry that they didn't take the time to just test my system and see that I did not get anything in that vial. Now I have to be in pain for another hour...I can do it, I've done it before, but I wish I didn't have to do this tonight.
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